lzozozoozoz da gbfm has so much game dat dey call me da Microsoft seXbox and Sony PUASTATION lzlzzozozoozzozlzzoz and da Ninentdo Wiienerz lzozozozzlozzo da GBFM make mystery look like da Sega bungmasterz zlozzlzozozlzloz cause while he’s playing losta Atari pong da biddies be sukckingz da losta GBFM dong!
lzolzozllzlzlozololoz
DA GREAT HEARTISTES WRITESZ:
You’ll Know You’re An Alpha Male If . . . YOUR NAME IS DA GBFM!
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/04/02/youll-know-youre-an-alpha-male-if/
You’ve ever inconspicuously texted under the table or called from the bathroom another girl while you were on a date.
DA GBFMZ HAS FOUR CELLPHONEZ SO I CAN TEXT FOUR HOTTIEZ IN DA RESTROOMZ WHEN NEED BE ZLOZOZLO
You’ve ever snuck out on a date going badly.
IF SHEZ NOT PUTTING OUTZ her BACK DOORZ IN DA TENTY MINUTES, DA GBFM SNEAKS OUT D ABACK DOORSZ LZOZOZOZOL
You’ve ever bailed on a date because you met a hotter girl in the interim.
ONE TIMEZ I WS HEAIDNG TO A DATE AND MET A HOTTOERS GIRELZ, SO I BAILEDZ, BUT DEN WALKING WTIH HER I SAW A HOTTERZ GIRLZ SO I BAILED ON HER, AND DENZ AT DA RESTAURANTZ DA WAITRESS WAS HOTTERZ SO I DONE HER IN DA BATHROOM DOGGY STLE WHILE TEXTING FOUR MORE HOTTOIES ZLZOZOZLZL.
You’ve ever walked into a first date’s apartment, made a bee-line for her bathroom, pissed on the seat, farted loudly, exited, and strolled up to her to plant a passionate kiss.
USUALYY DIS IT WHAT HAPPENS: DA GBRMZ MADE A BEE LINE FOR HER MOUTH, PISSED ON HER FACE, FARTED LOUDLY, EXITED, AND SHE STROLLED UP AND PLANETED A PASSIOATE KISS ON MY BUTT>
You’ve ever held two simultaneous relationships, one for “appearances”.
DA GBFMZ WILL HOLD AS MANY RELATIONSHAIPS AS HOTTIES WILL HOLD DA GBFMZ LOSTAS OCCKASZ, FOR APPEARANCEZ.
Your women get carried away and relent to raw dog in the heat of the moment.
ALL DA WOMENZ TRY TO STRIP OF MY CONDOMZ BUT DA GRBZM DON”T WANT NO POLICE STATE CHILD SEVRIVCEZLZOZOZL
You’ve ever brazenly lied to a woman to cover up an infidelity. And didn’t feel bad about it.
DATSZ WAS NOT MYU COCKAZ U SAW GOING INTO DA GIRLZ IN YOUR BED WHEN YOU GOTZ HOMESZ, DAT WAS SOMEONES ELESES COCKAS! PROMIZEES!
You’ve ever banged a woman while another woman’s life force was still adhered to your dick.
DIS HAPPENSZ EVERY NIGHT DAT I FORGET HANDY WIPESZ LZOZZOZOLZ
You’ve ever said “Are you fucking kidding me?” to an attractive woman.
DA GBFM SAYS “ARE YOU KIDDING? FUCK ME!” TO EVERY ATTRATCIVES OWOMENZ!
You’ve ever banged a woman in public, within view of families.
DA FAMILIES HATH BEEN SDTEOEREUETED BY DA BERNAKE CENRTAL BANEKERSZ LZZOZOLLZ
You’ve ever legitimately forgotten about a woman you started dating. Super alpha bonus points if you met her on the street and had to stare blankly for five seconds before recollecting.
SOMETIMEZ ON MY WAY OUT DA NEXT MORNINGZ I HAVE TO ASK, “DO WE KNOW EACH OTHERZ?”
You’ve ever forgotten a woman’s name up through the third date. And didn’t bother apologizing for it.
ONE TIMEZ D GBFM WANTED TO GET ENGAGEDZ, BUT DEN WHEN IT GAVE TIME TO GIVE HER DA RINGZ AT DINNERZ, DA GBFM FORGOT HER NAMEZ!
You’ve ever steadily pressed for sex beyond three half-hearted “No”s, and achieved your goal.
DA GBFM NEVER HEARD DA WORD “NO.” EXCEPT FOR “NO NO NO DON’T STOP!!!!”
You’ve ever replied more than an hour later after a girl texted, and it wasn’t a calculated maneuver. You genuinely didn’t feel like putting in the effort.
ONE TIMEZ DA GBFMZ TEXTED BACK SIX MONTHZ LATERZ AS I HAD A GOOD RUN, EVEN FOR DA GBFMZ!
Girls cum with you in every sex position.
GILRZ CUMZ ON EVEN DA GBFM THUMBZ!
You’re not the one who’s nervous.
DA GBFMZ IS SO COOL DAT MY CUM CUMZ OUT FROZEN AND METLSZ ON HER FACE LZOZOZL.
You’ve rarely had to wait past the third date for sex.
WAT IS A DATE? WAT DOES DAT WORD MEANZ? IS DAT SOMETHING OUR GREAT GRAND PARENTZ DIDZ?
You’ve ever flirted with girls when every social expectation at the time was that you shouldn’t.
IF YOUR COCK IS IN HER MOUTH, AND YOU WINK AT HERZ, IS DAT FLIRITNGZ?
You’ve ever taken a call from a girl while another girl was sleeping naked against your bare chest.
YAH! IT WAS A THREESOMEZ BUT WE1 NEEDED A FOURTHZ WHO CALLED A BIT LATEZ, SO I TOOK DA CALL WHILE EY WER ETOSISNG MYS SALADZ.
You’ve ever walked away from a long-term relationship out of boredom.
YAH ONE LONG-TERMZ RELATIONSHIP LASTED TWO DAYZ, AND DA GBFM WAS OUT OUT BORED FALLING ASLPPEZZEEPPPS DURING SEX ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SHE WAS SO FMAILAIR FAFERT TWO DAYSZ BORGZINZG
You’ve ever had to deal with a pregnancy scare.
DA GBFM HAS A HIRED ASSISTANTZ FROM INDIA FULL TIME 1-800-SEX-GBFM HOTLINEZ FOR ALL DA PREGANT BIDDIES 2 CALLZ.
A girl has ever cried for you.
YAH DA NEIUGHRS COMPALIN EVERY NIGHT GIRLS CRY “OH GBFM! OH GBFM OH GBFM!!!” ZLZOZOLZ
You’ve dumped more often than you’ve been dumped, and when the latter happened you rarely had a dry spell longer than a month.
DA GBFM TAKES THREE DUMPBZ A DAY, AND HAS NEVER BEEN DUPMPED, SO HAYYAH YAH!!!!
You’ve ever scheduled two dates for the same night. Super alpha bonus points if both dates ended in bangs. Super alpha doubleplusalpha bonus points if both dates ended in bangs together.
MY PEROSNAL RCORD WAS FIVE DATESZ IN ONE NIGHTZ, BUT ONLY FOUR BANGS, AND ONLY THREE OF DEM WERE AT DA SAME TIME. SORYSYY I KNOW I CAN IMPROVE ON THISZ!
You’ve ever banged a girl on the first date without either of you using the disinhibition elixir of alcohol.
WAT IS THIS WORD “DATE” AGAINZ? WTF DOES IT MEANSZ? R U USING IT TO CONFUSE DA GBFM? LZZOL
You’ve ever dated a girl who was persuaded to, temporarily at least, acquiesce to your insistence on a one-way sexually open relationship.
DA GBFM’S BOXER SHORTS READ THE ULA, “BY ENTERING DIS REAL YOU AGREE TO a 5-WAY OPEN SEXUAL RELATIONSHOPZ.”
You’ve ever acquired an honest-to-god stalker. (This may be indisputable proof of alphaness.)
DA GBFMZ HAS ANOTHER PART-TIMEZ ASSIATNTZ FROM INDIA WHO FILESZ RESTATRATINIG ORDERZ RESTRAINIGING ORDERZ LZOZZLZL.
You’ve had girls approach you and solicit you for a drink, or even sex.
In all da clubsz I hearsz, “HEY GBFM, IF YOU LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK, WILL U BANGZ ME?
You’ve ever taken a girl home without needing an excuse to coax her compliance.
I DON”T TAKE EM HOMEZ< DEY FOLLOW DA GBFMZ!
You’ve ever had a girl call you an asshole not long before she succumbed to intimacy.
GIRL: YOU’RE AN ASOSLZLZLAOZGZOZLZGOZLZZLLZZOZ
GBFM: WAT? I CAN’T UNDERTSAND U WITH MY COCK IN YOUR MOUTH ZLZLOZOZ
You’ve ever had a girl spend more on you than you on her before she offered her sex.
GENERALLY WOMENZ MUST BUY DA GBFMZ COCKASZ PER HOURZ.
You’ve ever been eagerly paraded in the presence of your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.
DA GBFM HAS BEEN DA PRIZE POODLE IN MORE DOG SHOWZ THANZ COAKSZ A COLLEGE WOMENZ TAKES IN DA BUNZGZ ZGZLZOZO
You’ve ever had a girlfriend accuse you of cheating, even when you weren’t.
IT’S NOT CHEATING IF IM BLINDFOLDED AND CAN’T SEE WHERE MY COCKAS GOING INA ND OUT OF!
You’ve ever truly, madly, deeply loved two girls at the same time. And they loved you back.
DA GBFM LOVE TWO GIRLS, AND THEY LOVED DA GBFM SO MUCH DAT DEY LOVED EACH OTHER< EVERY NIGHTZ WHICH WA SGOODZ CAUS E DA GBFM WAS TIREDZ ON DA SEVENTH DAY, JUST LIKE DA LORDZ WHO NEVER HAD SO MANY BIDDIESZ TO DEAL WITH EXCEPT FOR MAYBE KING SOLOMONZ WHO HAD MANY MANY WIVESZ BUT NOWHERE NEAR AS MUCH AS GAME AS DA GBFM CUASE BACK DEN ALL GAME WAS “YO DA GENEIS SAY YOU MUST HONOR ME BEATCH!” BUT NOW GAME BE NON-STOP PEA COCKINZG, NEGGING, CONNIVINGZ< PLANNING, PRESENTING, CALCULATINGZ, AND MAKING SURE EVRY ACTION SEVRE HER BUTT AN DGINA TINGZLZZOOZ INSTEAD OF GODZ LZOZOZOZOZ! SOMETIMES DA GBFM TAKES A BREAK FROM GAME AND RUNS ON DA TREADMILL WHILE SOLVING QUANTUM MECHANICS PROBLEMS AS DAT IS MORE RESTFUL DAN GAMEZ LZOZOZOZOZOZOZOZOZOZO.
